How To Live With It

At its core, this is a story about a body that has been maimed beyond complete repair but remains insistent on creating by any means necessary. This is my story and my disabled body figuring out what happened to us, what we did to ourselves, and how we are meant to heal. In 2017 during a mental health crisis I intentionally harmed myself and unintentionally permanently disabled myself, losing the use of my dominant arm. My art teacher gave me a choice: drop AP Art Studio or ‘embrace the shake’ and create with my other arm. She said no one would blame me if I left the class but I knew I wasn’t finished making art. So I stayed. I cultivated an abstract contemporary style that incorporated mixed media and drew from a visual journaling background. And then I gained an overuse injury in my left hand, making both my hands disabled. 

These days I am experimenting with utilizing my feet and mouth to make my pieces. I am discovering that working larger is easier on my body than smaller. And I am learning to let go of what my art used to look like in order to make space for what I can do now. Following in the inspiration of Phil Hansen, I embraced my disabilities and cultivated a practice of  accepting them instead of fighting against them. Influenced by Wangechi Mutu, Kara Walker, and Akwaeke Emezi, my art primarily focuses on exploring identity through portraiture and storytelling. I understand art only depicts fragments in time and the artist gets to pick what is seen and what is left out. I also know that each fragment is vital in the grand scheme of things. Everything leads us to now.

This is a body that I am finally bringing to the light. The canvas is a welcoming space on which to put my life. A life which I am committed to staying soft in by creating art as opposed to staying constricted. I want people to wrestle and engage with themselves as they encounter this resemblance of embodiment. I don’t want to be praised for “overcoming my disability.” I didn’t overcome anything but rather I live with it daily. After years of embarrassment, I’m choosing to take a hammer to the shield of shame that often results from disabilities born of self-harm. While I hope you all are not able to fully understand what this art means, for those who do, this is for us. Lastly, I want everyone to know that I had a life before this disability and I still have a life now that I’m learning to love. 

You are invited in. Welcome. 

Stay as long as you want. Leave as freely as you must.