My Anxiety is Like Water

My therapist told me to envision my anxiety.

She said it may help to think of it like a weather storm. 

Then, when I can see it

I need to step back where I can safely watch

without getting destroyed.

She said some people think of it as a tornado

while others think of it like waves in an ocean. 

Katherine,

my anxiety is like waves in an ocean.

Actually, it’s more like a blizzard.

No, it is like water, in all its forms. 

We live in Oregon, right outside of Portland

which means it rains.

A lot. 

Now when I see water I see my anxiety manifest. 

Sometimes it is out of thin air and clear skies.

Other times I have heard for days that a storm will hit.

I stay in my room, away from the bathrooms

with their showers and kitchens with their sinks.

And every time I set a glass of water on my windowsill I wonder

am I escaping my storm? Or just internalizing it?

So I get in my car to drive out of the turmoil.

But where can I go that water doesn’t touch?

Am I destined to inhale and be enveloped in this anxiety forever?

Katherine,

I believe the comparison was to weather.

I have gotten way off track. 

Isn’t that what we are working on here

(not letting my mind run away with me clinging on for dear life)?

Can I get another chance to answer?

Katherine,

My anxiety is like a windstorm.

So subtle I do not notice it picking up.

It quickly turns into a tornado, screaming

that I am not strong enough

to withstand the pressure.  

Katherine,

is it okay to be both ready and scared to face this storm?

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