Not Wanting to Be Me

He told me

“Lose the victim mentality… it’ll do wonders.” 

I have never wanted to tear my skin off my body so badly

and run away from my blackness.

In that moment

I tried to be nothing.

My rage is bottled up in a can.

Sometimes I forget.

I take too big of a drink and I’m lit on fire. 

Potentially that is what happened. 

Maybe I came in hot

my mouth burning everyone around me.

I don’t know how to be less *this.*

When I failed to take my skin off and disappear

I responded with facts and experiences.

I reminded you that the history of our country is bloody.

It overflows with truths of slavery, injustice, and oppression

still affecting us today. 

I ask you to remember with me

the stories of yesterday

fifty years ago

and this morning.

You walk away.

Perhaps that is our biggest difference: 

you can choose to walk away and the spaces where you move into

will have the strength to accept you. 

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