Not Everyone Makes It, Ya Know?

i don’t like to talk about this
because i have too much to lose
and i’ve already lost
a name
a family
a history
a future
a lifetime
a life
enough

to make you fold at the center
if you feel it too deeply.

and it was not my fault.
i know that now.
but it feels like if i speak truth
i will lose
everything

again.

and i’m not sure i will make it if that happens.
i think i’ve already used up my miracle.

no, not the adoption
for that is happenstance
but the continuance of life after a part of me died.

and not everyone makes it, ya know?

not everyone survives the severing.