Reflections on Staying Alive

I wanted sun on my face / arms around my neck / rain on my roof at night / wind through the leaves of the tree / my dog to greet me when I walk in the door / matcha in a mug / bright yellow clothes / red velvet cake / a football at my feet / books on my bookshelf /forehead kisses / simple art / belly laughs / tears of joy and sadness / ocean views / kind strangers / poetry / moving music / love and love and love with copious amounts of time to experience it all and the courage to recognise my prayers when they appear.  

I didn’t really want to die. Not really. Not always. 

I just wanted a heaven I’d heard was a haven. 

I just wanted a break

a breath

a beginning that wasn’t as overwhelming as surviving the life I was living. 

Basically, I'm saying I'm soft. 

But I figure, in this jagged world there are much worse things to be.