Self Love. And the Lies I Used to Tell Myself

I used to think I was too muscular. I used to think I was too Black. I would stare in the mirror and analyze my build while begging my skin to be lighter. My broad shoulders, thick thighs, and solid core seemed abnormal, my melanin too rich. In the locker room I would hear the girls talk about needing to be smaller and more dainty. In the hallways the boys would say that nobody wants a muscular girl, stating that white girls are elite. There was all this talk about what the perfect body was and who was fit to be loved- I did not fit the mold. I cried over piles of clothing that I had outgrown and stayed indoors to avoid becoming too dark. I felt too much for the space that was given to me to fit into.
As an athlete, I loved my body. As a woman, I was ashamed.
But recently I made this promise to myself to lean into the good. All that there is, I will embrace. Thus, I have to remember to embrace myself. At some point in my creation the divine decided to mold me into my own perfection. She gave me skin that embraced the heat on this earth and turned it into beauty. She gave wide shoulders to carry the load, thick thighs to stand tall, and a strong core so I do not forget to return to myself. And I did. It took me many years but I have finally arrived.
Here I am.
An architect of my future, a sculptor of my own design, I am only getting stronger and I am no longer afraid.
I am still an athlete and still a woman and Black and beautiful. I have ceased trying to fit into small spaces and started searching for wide open places.
So to the girls in the locker room and the boys in the hallway: when you said that no one likes women that are too muscular or too dark you forgot about me. I love women that are muscular and I love women that are Black- I know because I love myself.