The Orphanage Workers.
For Alex Oyombe Gradin.
And all those left behind who love him. Especially us New Life Home babies
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
I am convinced the body knows.
The body remembers.
You may not have been my first family
But you were my second before I reached my third
Then fourth.
Once upon a time our cribs were close together
And our cries familiar in each other’s ears.
Now I am crying alone on this side of the world
And I can feel hearts breaking in the rest of our family
Wherever they are now.
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
I live tethered to this second family
Even when I want nothing to do with it.
With us.
This pain
This struggle
This intertwining that runs deep enough to feel familiar
And foreign enough to make me unsure.
Where can I run that we do not understand each other?
Where can I go to make the body forget?
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
In my mind I have forgotten your voice
Your cry
How you move.
Some part of me wonders if I heard your cry once more
Saw your smile
Looked into your eyes
Would everything would come back to me?
Would we come back to the us that was forgotten
When we left each other?
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
We were welcomed into families
And became the children they never expected to have.
Set afloat on seas we have learned to call our own.
We pass each other just enough
To not forget.
But not nearly enough to always remember.
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
The whole lot of us have been fighting so hard to be okay
And struggling so much.
They sent us off into the world
With prayers on our brows
And blessings abundant.
We were the saved.
And now most days we cannot save ourselves.
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
They sent us off into the world with hope we did not yet know how to feel.
With hope we spend our lives trying to reclaim.
We walked
Crawled
Ran
Into life.
Unsure of what would stay and who would go.
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Connected.
When you died I was in my room
Miles away
Mourning what I did not yet know.
I cried the night into darkness.
And when I got the call
I had already known.
They sent us out of this new home.
The whole bunch of us.
Back when we had no memory of each other
And no idea where we would end up.
They sent us out
knowing some of us would lose our way.
They stayed unwavering in their hopes and dreams for us.
They sent us out and prayed for a safe journey.
God has carried us thus far.
God will see us home.
I was not your first family.
But we were your second.
Now as you will go to your final
Go with love.
May God carry you safely home.
*Poem written in 2019 and shared at Alex’s memorial service