Something In Me Says I was Supposed to Die

21 births after we thought we were going to die

Baby, we’re still here

each breath a respite from death. 

knowing nothing but home 

[and the wanting to return to]

i used to disturb graves 

like they left me out 

exposed 

on this side of the earth 

hearing a calling from another realm. 

one i visited but briefly

yesteryear 

when i was merely a baby 

reaching out for life

after loss.

sometimes i think what happened is death reached back

wrapping its tentacle around my waist

so i would remember life doesn’t own me.

and remember, i did 

running through cemeteries 

conjuring ghosts 

that felt like ancestors 

making their pilgrimage to call out and see

if i needed an escort across the divide

i straddled 

already 

a foot in the beyond 

reliving a story that spans memory.

my body is an archive

recording my miracle 

breath

today

i was not meant to be here.

i do not know how i survived the severing.

how my body stayed

and i left

to search

past tears for sustenance. 

maybe that is why i turned away from this 

life

felt hollow

uncertain

new 

out of a womb i could not crawl back into

or nestle beside.

i call it the unknowing.

where i was once found

never again.

i was replaced

by some kind of ethereal being

with old eyes that had seen lifetimes

before it retreated into my skin

that wasn’t meant to carry this other

fully. 

something in me says i was supposed to die

and i believe her.

but i stay

full 

of wonder / connection 

[sacred / holy, if you will] 

to this side living.

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As Featured on Instagram on @kindredand.co