Turning Back to Move Forward

I told you how much you hurt me and I almost apologised for the inconvenience of my brokenness as a result of how you treated me. But I didn’t.

This time I got it correct. Or, time, time moving in circles, gave me another chance to do it differently. And thank God that I recognised the moment and grabbed it before I followed in old patterns. So there we were just like before-- me, cracked wide open by the trauma and you, unable to have the capacity to meet the hurt where the healing was needed. But in this iteration I told the truth and walked away to go comfort myself. I did not look back for closure but instead reached inwards and in an act of intimacy, embraced myself.

I did the thing I swore I could never do again. I returned to collect my dignity and when the pain came, as expected, I invited myself to stay soft. What a task to tend to my humanity. What an honour.

One day I will thank life for time not forgetting where it's been. For carrying me back. For carrying me out and holding me still. One day I will tell myself “I forgive you for what you never should have had to apologise for" and mean it.