Learning To Show Up

I used to believe that it was a fear of failure that kept me from really living. I would stay in my bubble and watch the world around me from a safe space. But through my countless hours in therapy trying to figure out life, I have discovered that I do not fear failure nearly as much as I fear success.

I often think the journey from failure to success is linear. I think of it like climbing a ladder: going means entering into everything new, while falling brings you back to what you know already. Failure is familiar.

Failure is familiar.

Familiarity is comforting. So I would walk through life looking to fail. However, recently I was reminded by a dear friend that life is not nearly as linear as we believe it to be. This straight line that I drew was actually more like a squiggle and everything was more unknown that I realized.

These days, instead of staying in my bubble, I am trying to learn to stop looking for failure. I am also working on not letting my fear keep me from living. Most days I get out of bed, eat something, and attempt to be productive. To me, showing up equals success. So day by day I show up for myself. Maybe one day my successes will become as familiar as my failures. But until then, I will keep getting out of bed and trying my best to live the day I have. I will do this because I’ve realized that living while looking to fail is no way to live at all.

-K